How to Release Judgements About Who You Are

I talk to lots of women on a daily basis, I love spending time with other women, listening to their stories, their adversity and how they came through the other side triumphant. That’s what I hear, but that is not what the story teller thinks of themselves.

Many of us hold onto judgements made either by ourselves but especially judgements made by others about us. Our words hold such power and yet a flippant comment can be taken to heart and held onto for decades!

Many of us feel guilty that we should’ve done better, known better, got out of there sooner or maybe not have done it at all and now have a guilt complex the size of  a small village!

Regular comments that I used to get as a child was around my untidiness and laid back attitude, but I turned these, probably spur of the moment, frustrated comments into meaning that I was lazy and unloveable. Recently my partner joked that I don’t get up til lunchtime because he gets up at 6am and I get up and 8am.

Totally unaware, it triggered my defenses and I replied, with more force than I meant to, that his comment was uncalled for which then started an argument. An argument was created out of a judgement that I had created within myself and then something as simple as a joking comment from another prodded that injury that I was nursing all these years. Ouch!

Our judgements are our wounds we carry with us every day. We nurse them, we try to protect ourselves from having them be re-opened and we build walls of defenses against more hurt.

We cannot move on from these hurts until they are healed and You, dear one are the only person who can do that. It’s something many of us don’t want to have to face because so much negative emotions are involved. Pain, heart-break, anger, sadness, even rage. But unless you can look at your wounds from  a different perspective, they will continue to be dragged up to the surface on a regular basis by people and situations around us.

We are the walking wounded, quite literally, until we are couragous enough to draw back the plaster and take a long, hard look at why that wound isn’t healing.

Sometimes many of these wounds or hurts were done to us unintentionally and by looking at it from this perspective we have to forgive that person and accept with love that they had no idea or knew no better that what they did so long ago is still being carried around in your heart.

Shining light on the circumstances and looking at how you felt without shutting it back down, cry, scream, then let it go. Let It Go. It has served it’s purpose now. You are wiser and stronger for the experience and don’t forget to be grateful.

I know it may sound strange to thank the person or the experience for the pain or suffering you have been experiencing but without it, would you be who you are now? I look back at many of the things that hurt me, a break up that made me move to England and my life’s trajectory changed, I became more independant and met my husband to be.

A car accident that made me realise I was just a number in the company I worked for and I decided to start my own business because I wanted to be seen as a person, standing on my own two feet. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I had a trouble free and pain free life!

I am SO very grateful for the experiences that have shaped me.

Be gentle on yourself as you work through these wounds and judgements, know that you knew no better, like a child learning something new. Forgive the past, Forgive Yourself more importantly, because you would not be here if you were not strong and capable. Shine some love onto those wounds as you release them and they will heal quickly without a scar, without a trigger.

When you stop judging yourself  what will follow is less judgement in your life and more compassion for other’s wounds instead ❤

much love & happyness

Bernie xxx

PS. If you would like help in working on some of those wounds together, in a gentle and forgiving way why not join our community of supportive women in our Be Brave & Blissful Project?

PPS. Want more 1 to 1 help? email me at and let me support you.

layered heart


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