My Year Through the Looking Glass

Do you see this year as one of your best?

2015 has been one of the hardest years in some ways, but outrageously different in others. Maybe not hardest, more like the longest because my awareness has changed.

It all used to go by in a haze and if you asked me where I was anywhere more than 6 months ago I couldn’t pin point it. However this year was different. Why?

Because I chose it to be the year my life would change.

Not just something I told myself, because I’ve done that every year for about a decade. No, 2015 was going to be different because instead of just thinking it and telling myself how it was going to be different. I actually did something to change it.

I invested in myself and my personal development by hiring a coach. Obviously I had no idea how to change my life by myself or I would’ve done it already so I went to someone I trusted and asked for help.

That was not something I did overnight. It was a HUGE step for me because I had to believe my life was worth changing and that I was worth investing in. My ego fought me all the way and made up all the excuses it could muster.

What about the bills? What if I didn’t make enough money to pay for it? Only rich people have coaches! Yes you can see what had been keeping me back for the past decade, a belief that my worth was attached to the money I was making. That was my first revelation.

Next I had to start delving into why I was still where I didn’t want to be, why I wasn’t moving towards where I actually wanted my life to go. I’d never actually done this kind of deep work and I felt the resistance to doing this work almost physically like someone pushing against my chest.

My new mantra at this time was Lean into the Resistance, again a first. It’s always easier to go the path of least resistance but that’s why I always ended up back where I started.

Why was this resistance so strong, what was I afraid of? It was like opening a box of frogs – let the games begin!

Oh yes, to question parts of your life and even parts of you that haven’t seen the light of day for maybe 20 or 30 years was like being Alice in Wonderland, I finaly get that book now.

It’s hard work to begin with but then something happens. You start to look at your life without judgement but more with curiosity. Is this scenario when I decided to make money about me? Is that when I decided no-one was going to control my life for me, did I even decide that?

The sub-consciounce is a tricky little devil, it too got a few prods. And even though no boogey men popped out, a few negative old biddys showed up at the windows shaking their fists and gesturing that they wouldn’t give up without a fight.

The biggest turn around this year though was when I learned how to forgive and accept myself. Easily said, a bit harder to do. Those old biddy’s where there for a reason. I had created them, I had fed them and nurtured them, given them a home.

But, they were part of who I was, they had made me who I was. They had steered my decisions for better or worse. Now I knew why I had made choices in my life, it made it so much easier to accept them and let them go, because now I was aware. I no longer had to rely on them to make my life choices.

I never saw this coming, I thought I was going to be given some strategy to make me more money or be handed the plans with the steps in every detail – 10 Steps to Changing Your Life.

Sorry folks, it doesn’t exist and it isn’t going to happen in 10 steps. The biggest thing I am grateful for this year is the number of amazing new friends I have in my life that weren’t even on my radar a year ago.

By going on this journey I found out what I want, what I believe in and what I can let go of as it no longer serves me. When I asked for help, I got it in spades, with like minded friends and a support structure.

When I invested and committed in myself I got clarity, awareness and found a way to truly start loving myself and out of that my life has changed in the most beautiful way.

It is not how I expected it to go, it was beyond maybe what I could fathom back in December 2014. So it’s not a bad thing to not see the plans but to let it unravel a small bit at a time while I got my bearings with each change in direction.

So is 2015 my Best Year? I don’t think I would say that exactly, I see it as the Beginning of  How I can be the Best that I Can be in my Life and that’s a pretty good start for me. I got my wish, a new adventure, a change in direction in my life and now I see a new horizon ahead.

Is 2016 going to be your year of change? If so, start it fresh and acknowledge all the things you did this year. What were your wins this year and what didn’t quite hit the mark? List them all down so they are there in front of you to see and celebrate or comisserate. Be aware of how they make you feel and sit with it for a while.

Then this month write your goals for 2016 from your heart. What is going to change? Are you going to commit to yourself that you can make this happen? Only you can make that decision and do something about it.

Much Love and Happyness

Bernie xxx

alice_through_the_looking_glass

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