They are part of life aren’t they? No one likes to get disappointed, it’s probably one of the worst feelings we can think of and they are probably connected to some of the most important times or decisions we make in our lives.
If I asked you when was the last time you felt disappointed, I bet you could look back in just the last few weeks and find an occassion where you felt like that.
I’m not going to tell you how to avoid disappointment, because that just isn’t real. Rather, what I have found, is how to get past it quicker and with less anguish than I have done in the past and it is this I want to share with you.
So why do we feel disappointed in the first place? One of the first big disappointments I remember in my early years, I was probably about 7 or 8, I asked my parents for a horse. We lived on a housing estate and both my parents worked full time, but my dream was of always having a horse, because I was a horse mad kid!
My parents said No.
I was crushed beyond measure. It didn’t stop me asking throughout the next few years but that first disappointment sticks with me because of the emotional invetsment I had put into it. All my hopes, dreams of riding and playing with my horse, all the fun we would have together, wiped out in one word, one event.
They later paid for riding lessons for me and my sister because I just wouldn’t give up, but the point is that every time you invest emotionally on an outcome that doesn’t go your way, it chips at your confidence, your self esteem and your willingness to risk your emotions on something you really want.
We start to hold ourselves back a little more, we don’t rush into decisions as quickly, we weigh up our odds a bit more until sometimes, depending on how much we really want something, we just can’t do it anymore.
We get scared.
Fear starts to creep into our minds when it comes to the crunch. Maybe it was a boyfriend that broke your heart and you just can’t say yes to a date, even though you are more than ready. Maybe a friend you shared a secret with told everyone and now you don’t trust people. The list is endless and we find our emotions synged and our ability to risk personal feelings are curbed.
So how do we get around this problem and start living life the way we want to again?
Firstly, we have to look back at those scenarios where our hearts got broken or our hope was crushed and look at it, not from your memories then but how you see it now. As an adult I can see why my mum and dad said no to me having a horse. I was a kid, they both worked and they wouldn’t have the time to look after it, drive me around and they didn’t even like horses!
What gift do I get from this experience, as me now, a grown up? I learned how to be resourceful, creative and not to give up. I told them I’d be happy taking riding lessons which still got me the end result of being a horse mad kid, and getting to be around horses.
Our emotions twist our memories and what we take away from a disappointment. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be disappointed, of course you should if you invested your time and emotions into anything you want.
What I am saying is that if we only have one end result and one way we see of getting to it, then if the road gets blocked, we feel that we can’t get what we want and we get disappointed.
But what if you focused more on the end result that you wanted rather than HOW you got there? This might sound a bit out there but the universe wants you to get what you want. We are here to be happy creatures not full of pain and sorrow and misery.
So what if you set your sights on what it is you want, a new relationship, a house, a new job or maybe to travel more. Write it down and go into great detail, what your life looks like with this wonderful wish and then let it go.
Don’t worry at it how you will get there, you may have one or two ideas how you might get there and that’s fine, work towards those. But this time don’t put all your hopes on a certain way to get there. Start looking out for other ways or opportunities you might take that might get you there too ,over the upcoming weeks ahead look out for anything that will help you.
If there is one thing that I have found out recently, the HOW I think I might get something isn’t how it actually turned up in my life. Instead of being disappointed, a few times I have been utterly surprised!
And if the way you think it should go to plan doesn’t work out, there are still many other ways to get what you want. Be an optimistic solution seeker rather than not risking to wish for anything at all.
I hope this has helped in some small way and that you get everything you wish for x
Much love and happyness